Changes

Yesterday was an absolutely wonderful day.  I am drawing so near to my Lord and he is showing Himself to me in many ways.  The fear still creeps in, fear of the precious moments that I had yesterday not lasting.  I have made changes, God has made changes. It is all in His timing.  He is not a God of absolutes.  He has allowed all of this only for one purpose...to bring me to his feet. The only thing that I want is to be like him.  Not to feel perfect, not to look perfect or not to make a ton of money.  Pouring myself into thanking him relieves any sort of fear that I have.  He REIGNS!

PANIC

It seems my body won't cooperate.  I have been in an ongoing panic since yesterday.  It seems to manifest at night.  Here's how it shakes down.  My heart starts to beat really fast.  My body starts shaking and I vomit.  Nice huh?  Yes that's what this shell of mine is doing.  In fact last night I got no sleep.  I have a hard time eating, but I know I have to in order to survive and not let the panic get worse.  Through this I have seen the hand of God.  I know he is present.  I am IN the battle.  In life alot of "us" move around knowing there is a battle but sometimes getting sidetracked with realities that are right in front of us in our fallen world.  Friends let me tell you, GOD is very real to me right now, at the same time I am VERY aware of SATEN.  The deceiver knows my every weakness.  This is my biggest.  My body-when it does things that my mind does not want it to and there is nothing I can do about it.  Honestly I just want to take a pill and make it go away.  But this is what I have done my entire life.  Trusting him right now is my lifeline.  Over and over I tell him.  SWEET Shepherd you are faithful you are trustworthy, you are BIGGER.  I tell him again and again if there were a more gentler way to the cross then you would give it to me.  He will stop at NOTHING for his BABY GIRL.  I am that LOVED!  Thank you for your prayers and PLEASE continue them.

Three Things

Day by day,
Oh, dear Lord
Three things I pray:
To see thee more clearly,
Love thee more dearly,
Follow thee more nearly,
Day by day.



Richard of Chichester

Laying down my Isaac

The past 2 weeks have not been the best.  I have been trying several new supplements from Dr. Dane and right now we can't find the right fit. I know it will come but the side effects are a little discouraging.  The deceiver yet again tries to enter, I have had thoughts of... maybe there is something else going on with my body that she can't find.  Then I quickly remember...God is bigger...If there is something going on I will chose to believe that if HE wanted me to know what it was than the Holy Spirit would reveal it.  After putting that into practice a million times it is calming, even in the midst of feeling these crazy things going on with my body.  In deciding to see Dr Dane I decided to trust her and know that God was going to work through her for his precious Daughter, me.  He loves me that much.  In the midst of all of this, it looks as if the money will not be there.  Choosing to put my "Isaac" down today and trust.

Abraham willingly trusted God with his life.  They journeyed many years together, when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his precious promised son.  There was no pause in scripture, when he was asked. There was no sigh made by Abraham there were no clinching fists, he just OBEYED and willingly laid his son on the alter.  Out of his obedience and trust GOD PROVIDED.  He always does. 

Whatever choices and decisions we make he will get the glory. HE will be glorified!  I can't go wrong if I am choosing to willingly lay down my Isaac.  He is my Shepherd.  I am HIS sheep.  Dumb and self gratifying sheep.  When ultimately what is gratifying is choosing to enjoy HIM.

BLAME...

The past few days have been rough...to speak lightly....

 

 

Condemnation-BLAME

 

 

Romans 8:1 King James

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Romans 8:1 the message

^1-2 With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

It seems that I have been thinking God is blaming me for not being in His word or talking with him. I almost feel as if he has been saying Oh Amber hasn't SAT with me in 5 days. NO, these thoughts are from the deceiver. It would be like me blaming Naomi for being sick and not running around yesterday like a normal kid. ( she was throwing up).  He knows I am sick right now. I am so moved by his love for me. It is separate from any emotion that I experience by a human. When I put it in terms of my own children and how much I love them I just get a glimpse of his love for me.
Sorry for the white highlights on the words...my computer wouldn't let me change it ;)